Pappa wants mamma naked
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
