he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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