Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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