just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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