i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
