somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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