So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
