remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
