I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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