You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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