Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
