piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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