do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
