Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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