Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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