I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
