So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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