According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
