I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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