My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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