I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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