Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
