I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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