Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
