So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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