Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
