It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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