He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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