Do you still have your period?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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