my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
