i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This house was built for laser tag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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