Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
