You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
