Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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