I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
