is your mom at the bar?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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