i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
