I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
