He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize