In the future we'll all be gay
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
