All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
her vagine was all disorganized.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
