i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i believe in u and ur pee
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
