Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
