who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
