made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
