Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
