i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
