Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
