Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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