the condom got lost in my hair
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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