Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
