I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
