I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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