just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
