i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Come on in and take your pants off
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