his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
