Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
