So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
