a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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