Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
