sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
