this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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